


My Lady of Lament

by KeanBlade



Series: Songs in the Wind [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, hinted Madara/Tobirama, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-24 14:42:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20707703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeanBlade/pseuds/KeanBlade
Summary: Tsunade returns to Konoha





	1. running in place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I write fast and don't edit much- this is a place for me to not have to worry too much about perfection and just enjoy it- so things can be mangled at times. (I've got a wonky brain that can't see symbols as well, so I frequently can't even see mistakes) That's not something that's likely to change any time soon, so if imperfect writing puts you off this probably isn't for you

Tsunade tried not to think too much about Konoha, she spent a lot of time (and money she _maybe_ didn’t have) trying to forget about Konoha and everything that went with it; she blotted it out of her mind until it almost never crossed her thoughts, until hearing a whisper that Jiraiya was in Ame was hardly a blip on her radar (she never thought of any of the people she left behind, she didn’t know that she had left people behind at all- she had always been a bit slow to see things like that). So it was a shock when Might Dai dropped into the chair next to her making it groan under his not inconsiderable weight; he grinned at her with his normal brilliance and overwhelming enthusiasm (except… was there something wrong with the look in his eyes?) dark eyes glittering cheerfully. Tsunade glowered at him, “I _am not_ coming back no matter what Sensei says.” She snapped, unable to keep the petulance out of her voice completely; Dai frowned- just a flash across his expressive face- before cheering up immediately “The Third didn’t send me to find you Tsunade-hime, much less to bring you home! Though your refusal to do so is most un-youthful, what of those you left behind?” He asked, though Tsunade did appreciate him lowering his voice a little in deference to their surroundings, she pressed her lips together, something hot and tight twisting in her gut “There’s nobody to leave behind, they’re all dead. Or Shizune.” She made no effort to hide the bitterness in her voice and downed to contents of her cup to quickly to see the sharp anger on Dai’s face. (Shizune did see it.)

Somewhere between that cup and whatever the last one was Tsunade lost track of her surroundings (there was booze and at some point Dai agreed to pay- never let it be said she turned down free booze- and he never tried to say anything about the village but he didn’t need to to remind her of everything she was trying to outrun), so she wasn’t to surprised to wake up somewhere she didn’t expect, or she _wouldn’t _have been surprised except that her current ‘somewhere’ was jolting up and down on a very hard, very muscled, shoulder as a _far_ too loud voice spoke to a much quieter Shizune.

Her sick moaning created a break in Dai’s (right? It was Dai that she had talked to last night, right?) cheerful shouting (was he being that loud on purpose? He was wasn’t he) as he shifted her higher on his shoulder and spoke “Are you awake now Tsunade-hime?! Young Shizune is proving most youthful and clever in her help with collecting your things!” Tsunade couldn’t find her tongue between the lancing sunlight and the sharp jerking movement, she was going to have a hell of a bruise on her stomach later from he shoulder in her gut. “I was not aware that you had never before drunk the moonshine of the Aburame and that it would effect you quite so thoroughly Tsunade-hime! Nor that you had ceased to pay attention to what was in your cup- most un-youthful- though it made my task much easier! Much easier indeed! I will like to tell of this in the village when I have returned, the Hokage will find I most youthful!” huh? Dai had said Hiruzen hasn’t sent him for her and she _knew _Dai wouldn’t lie to a fellow Konoha shinobi. Didn’t she?

It was _hours_ before whatever hell brew Dai had slipped started wearing off (how could she get her hand on more?), long enough that with her slung over one shoulder and Shizune perched on the other Dai was making impressive time back to the village- back to everything Tsunade refused to think about- and had probably covered about half the distance (_why _hadn’t she been farther away again?) with his breakneck speed; actually why _had_ they been moving so fast? Even Dai was clearly flagging as night drew in for all that his monologue about how ‘youthful’ chasing her down had been hardly faltered, and yes, he was definitely being that loud on purpose, asshole. As soon as she was fairly certain she could do it without throwing up she twisted and pried and- was dumped on her ass by an unimpressed looking Dai (honestly she agreed, she hadn’t realized that she had let her training slip so badly) Shizune still perched on one shoulder until the big man gently helped her down watching Tsunade with sharp eyes as he told her to give them a little privacy please. Something was wrong here, something had to be.

Tsunade stood slowly watching a man she would have called her friend carefully, “Dai, what’s going on? You said Sensei didn’t send you after me and yet you also said he did, why did you lie?” Dai looked at her with one of the most serious looks she had ever seen on him “The _Third_ Hokage didn’t send me to get you, it was the _Fourth_ that did that, and frankly he was much less concerned with your temper tantrums than the Third.” She bristled, _what the fuck?! Where did he get off-_ “_Temper tantrum-_“ Dai interrupted her, the snap in his normally kind voice bringing her up short “Do you think _you_ are the only one to lose loved ones in the war Tsunade-hime? We all did. Yours were nothing special however much they hurt you, not all of us decided that that gave us an excuse to run away from our responsibilities.” She felt cold, angry and confused, because what right did he have to judge _her-_ but… “None of this explains why you are here taking me against my will back to Konoha, there is _nothing _for me there!” Dai examined her face closely for a long moment and something in it fell, he looked tired suddenly and worried, but he nodded shortly to her “Is that what I am to tell the Forth then? That you refuse on the grounds that you do not care for anything or anyone in Konoha?” (not anyone? <strike>Oro-)</strike> “Yes!” she hissed.

Dai nodded and turned away walking back towards Konoha when Tsunade, she- “Dai! Why is the Fourth calling for my return?” she couldn’t not ask. Dai paused and tipped his head back before turning to look at her for a long moment, “Hiruzen Sarutobi was removed from the position of Hokage a week before Danzo was executed for crimes many and varied, one of the worst being a truly _terrible_ violation of one of Konoha’s own. Sakumo Hatake took up the hat and sent for you both for your opinion and because he wished to give you a chance to avoid becoming missing-nin, which is what will happen when I return to Konoha without you and what will happen to Jiraiya if and when he too disregards the Hokage, Sakumo has no intention of allowing the _rot_ that Sarutobi allowed to fester in the village continue. Special treatment stops now.”

His words hung in the air, too loud over the ringing in her ears, Sensei was _deposed_? Danzo _dead_? For hurting a Konoha shinobi? And both she and Jiraiya were to be declared missing-nin (that was…. Less of a surprise, Jiraiya should have been when he abandoned them in a war zone, it had never seemed right- though Dan had had to point it out to her- that he was not only not but unconcerned of it). She… she thought about Konoha, as it had been when she last saw it, trying desperately to move past war and find a way forward; of how it had been when she had been young and her uncle had been the Hokage, back when she still believed in it. She thought about Konoha and all the graves there, graves she would _never_ see again, not if she was declared Missing-nin. “Why didn’t you just start with the threat?” She asked softly. Dai was watching her still, just standing and watching her, his eyes sad “Sakumo never wanted to threaten you, he’s not happy with you by any means but everyone wanted you to choose, wanted you _to care_. There is very little point in your returning at all if you do not. Senju, Shizune will always be welcome to return should she choose, she has never sworn any oaths or learned from our teachers and she is our blood. Unless she breaks with us another way this in not the end of her road with us.” a pause, Tsunade felt like the word was moving through silk “Goodbye Senju.” Dai turned and walked away.

_(“Hello little one” the voice was warm and rich, and she raced to sit with her favorite person, pleased to see red eyes lighten at her grin. She watched her granduncle stare out over the water and wondered “What do you look for in the water Uncle?” “I am looking over my shoulder little one, I keep expecting to see people there you see.” Tsunade frowned, confused “Are you missing someone? Is it granddad?” she had never met him, but she knew his face from the mountain. Red eyes followed hers and thin lips pulled into a faint smile “I always miss my brothers, I always will. But no, this is not them.” He turned to her, taking her small hands in his own “Tsunade, listen to me now if no other time. Never forget to pay your depts, but first never forget to look up and **see** who you will owe them too. Never forget to make sure you are willing to live with your memories, because they are what you will die with.” She had frowned, worried by the sadness in his eyes, the exhaustion “Uncle? Are you ok?” he tugged on her hair and his eyes were far away “I am glad of your peace little niece, but I wish…” he had leaned down, as if to tell her a secret “No matter what anyone says you remember, Madara Uchiha was an amazing shinobi and a **good** man- which is rarer. He was a dept I couldn’t pay little one, and I _regret_ that.”)_

_(Never forget to pay your depts, but first never forget to look up and **see** who you will owe them too. Dan. Nawaki. Jiraiya. Sensei. **ORO.**)_

“DAI!” She yelled darting forward a few steps, he stopped and turned looking startled to see her so close “Dai, how is Oro?” the man’s face fell and closed off, he looked away and Tsunade felt as though the ground dropped out from under her (not him too? Please not him too) “He’s alive and in Konoha. He-“ the big man paused and Tsunade felt as though she couldn’t keep her feet under her, alive and in Konoha wasn’t saying much “Dai?” a sigh “We think he will be alright, in time, for a time. He has support which helps and there is nothing Sakumo wouldn’t do for him.” Dai sounded tired and torn between pleasure and concern, those were not the word that you used to describe someone that was well and Tsunade- Tsunade- (_see who you will owe them too_) made her decision. “Shizune!” she called into the trees “Come on, we’re going to Konoha.”

(that had been the last time she had seen her uncle alive, and though he had looked peaceful in death she had wondered if he had been able to die with his memories or if dark eyes followed him down. She wondered if that was what he would have wanted.)

* * *

Shizune had been extremely excited to be going back to Konoha for a while but as it got darker she had grown sleepy and allowed Dai to carry her again as they walked late into the night; Tsunade watched her feet move and wondered, wondered what had happened and how much Dai would be willing to tell her, wondered what reception she would receive (what she would deserve), wondered “You said Sakumo Hatake would do anything for Oro?” she asked eventually. Dai nodded “Of course he would, that it the normally wat of things for Hatake with their mates I am told.” And Tsunade tripped over her own feet “_Mate?!_” she hissed, only barely keeping her voice down in deference to Shizune’s sleep; Dai sighed looking both pleased and tired “_Very _much so, I wouldn’t challenge it near anyone if I were you, he almost took out the Inuzuka clan heads throat when he expressed uncertainty. Sakumo is _very _protective. Which no one can begrudge him really.” Tsunade was even more confused now “How did that happen?” she asked, growing worried, Dai was talking around Orochimaru anywhere he could, he hesitated and responded slowly “It’s a long story and I’m not… certain it is my story to tell. Orochimaru is… changed from how you knew him, these last years have not been kind to him and he often had no one to turn to. It has left a mark.”

Tsunade winced at the sideways rebuke, if something really bad had happened to her teammate (her friend, her brother almost once) and she had been drinking her way across the five counties instead of there for him over the course of _years_… well, she was getting a feeling guilt was going to be a close friend in the coming months. But wait, “Sensei was deposed and Danzo killed, Sakumo took over the hat, Sakumo who has a mate he is _protective _of, Sakumo-“ she froze ‘one of the worst being a truly _terrible_ violation of one of Konoha’s own’ no. she had to be wrong. she _had_ to, “Dai, you said Danzo, you said he… _violated_ a Konoha shinobi, it wasn’t- it wasn’t Oro was it?” the big man said nothing and didn’t look at her, his eyes on the far horizon as horror twisted through Tsunade. “It probably isn’t my story to tell, though Sakumo might- Orochimaru won’t be able to I think- but, Danzo was a monster, a rot held close to the breast and when you left after a time he was the only person that ever really interacted with Orochimaru as well as his superior. It has been a terrible few years and he is different now.” Tsunade pressed her hand to her throat, feeling a terrible sickness swell in her, twisting like one of Oro’s beloved snakes.

Dai allowed her time to try and sort that out, but really she still knew so little that she almost felt more confused than ever, what was she supposed to do with half measures of information? But before long he cleared his throat again, “I feel I should warn you, Orochimaru has a son with Sakumo- a biological son- and I suppose another that is adopted in a sense. The boy- Kakashi- is part of what happened and Orochimaru is a wonderful parent.”

it took a long second for Tsunade’s brain to come back online, _how the hell? I mean she knew that Oro was bloodline- they had talked about it- but if Danzo was-_ “And it’s definitely Hatake’s kid?” she asked, more sharply than she intended Dai was stiff at her side when he snorted “There’s hardly any mistaking it, Kakashi takes after his father _very_ strongly. Orochimaru is a fantastic parent.”

“What?” muttered Tsunade, distracted with wondering how the pregnancy had gone under stressful conditions “of course he is, Oro is good with clever children- he never talks down to them- and the brave ones love him.” (Dai shot her a startled glance and relaxed, a near silent breath of relief escaping, they wouldn’t have to worry about this at least then. Honestly he had had no idea how she would react to any of this, had thought the worst when she refused, but once she had _thought _about it and asked about Orochimaru she had changed her mind extremely quickly. At least this was going well, Dai thought that Orochimaru might not have been able to bear it if Tsunade was distrustful of him as so many others still were- hopefully the last Sanju being home would help with that, remind people that the snake Saninn was a war hero if nothing else- so this at least was a success.)

* * *

Tsunade both dreaded and anticipated arriving at Konoha, she had never imagined returning here of all places but at the same time she _needed_ to see Oro and be able to asses his condition herself; every step of the way the more she had thought about what little Dai had said the more concerned she had gotten, _what had happened?_ It was late afternoon when they arrived and the tall gates rose up in front of her, for a second she couldn’t breath (_Orochimaru stepping out of the dark his face shadowed by dark hair, a small figure in his arms, “You promised” “I know”_) “Tsunade?” Dai’s voice seemed to echo down a long tunnel to her “He promised me, he promised me Nawaki would be alright.” She whispered though numb lips; Dai’s hands were a heavy weight on her shoulders as he shook her a little, jarring her to the present “You know he had no control over what happened. The mission parameters were misrepresented. He couldn’t have stopped it.” Tsunade nodded woodenly, took a deep breath; Dai was right, she knew that- she always had- the mission had been a disaster from the beginning, Orochimaru had done the best he could (had nearly died himself retrieving her brother’s body when it would have made more sense to leave him behind) and she.. she had never blamed him, not really.

She shook herself- this was foolish, she still had someone here to care about however much he had refused to think about it- and stomped determinedly through the gates, ignoring the gapping gate guards. Shizune was quiet from her place on Dai’s shoulders; tired and as perceptive as ever (she was such a clever child) she knew that Tsunade was worried about her Oro and needed to figure that out before she had a chance to think of other things, she would wait and watch as she always did, and maybe she would even have friends her own age (friends at all) if they stayed, if she was quiet enough.

Dai led her straight to the Tower and up to Hokage’s office, stepping in with only the barest of knocks and Tsunade stepped in unsure what she would see. The White Fang was seated at the desk, not even wearing the hat and with the robe thrown over the back of his chair, unconcerned about whether he would be recognized (Sensei had always worn the hat), and sitting on the desk next to him was a figure in a sweeping white and gray robe with long sleek dark hair. _Orochimaru._ Both of them turned to her as she walked into the room; well, Sakumo did, she couldn’t see what Orochimaru did through the mahogany curtain of his hair but his shoulders shifted and she saw a flash of gold so he must have looked. “Tsunade-hime, welcome home.” Sakumo said, his eyes wary and closed off, watchful on her face; Oro stood in a graceful shift, leaning down as he did and murmuring something into the other man’s ear too quiet for her to hear the words. The Hatake shifted, hand shifting up as if to tuck the far side of dark hair back and leaned up pressing a warm lingering kiss to Oro’s mouth before he straightened, Tsunade saw another flash of gold before her former teammate was gone in a brush of wind and a suddenly open window.

Tsunade looked out for a second, taken aback, she had _never_ seen Oro leave before, never seen him avoid a confrontation rather than facing it and ripping it to shreds; she had never seen him retreat (<strike>run away</strike>), she had never seen him flinch away from her, never seen him hide in his hair quite that deeply (he had when they were kids, but only a little and she had thought when he started wearing his hair back that they were past that), never seen him so….. worn, not even after the worst missions they had run in the war. Sakumo cleared his throat and sat forward, drawing her eyes to him “I’m glad you came back.” He said softly, she snorted a little “Glad not to have to declare the last Senju a missing-nin?” she asked acidly; he raised an unimpressed eyebrow at her, “Because it hurts my mate to not have you here, because you are related to me, no matter how distantly, because I didn’t want Orochimaru to be the last Saninn as well as the last _loyal_ one.” (ouch, that… hurt) she couldn’t hold his eyes and looked out the window again. After a moment the Hatake sighed deeply, “Sit Tsunade, we have much to talk about. Thank you Dai, Tsunade would you mind if he takes Shizune to my home? She can meet Hana as well as Kakashi and Tenzo, you are welcome to stay with us until you have someplace you would rather go.” _Fuck _she hadn’t thought about that, the idea of returning to where she used to live before- before.

“Thank you Hokage.” She murmured, pressing a light kiss to the girl’s brow before Dai slipped out of the office, “Want to tell me what’s going on? Dai told me almost nothing, just enough to have me _really fucking concerned_.” He watched her with wolf bright eyes, examining her as he spoke “Are you? because you matter far more to my mate than I think you know, and I won’t have you coming into his life under false pretext. We can find a way to keep you out of the village most of the time- though you will have to be here at least a little- and avoid the missing-nin title, and I need you to look over Orochimaru; but other than that, Tsunade you need to _decide_. Are you willing to care about that last people that care about you or are you going to keep running and drinking? I won’t have you break my mate’s heart anymore than it has to be.” Well shit. she… didn’t know how to think about that, (Sakumo called Oro his mate a lot, _why_?) why did she need to look over Oro? And why was Sakumo so convinced that she was going to hurt Oro, that she _could _hurt Oro who had always be the strongest of them.

She tipped her head back, looking at the ceiling and thought (_Dan was smiling at her, it always felt a little like standing in the sun after the rain passed, when it was still soft and diamond bright. He laughed, “I like Orochimaru, you- you should be careful with him though Tsu-hime, he has a fragile heart.” She hummed, Dan always had a good sense of people, if he said Oro was fragile…_) (_“Sister! You’ll never believe what Orochimaru-sensei showed me! Why can’t I be on his gennin team?” she smiled at the pouting “Oro doesn’t have a gennin team-_ why hadn’t he?- _but if you want to you can ask to be on his squad later.” Nawaki shown with glee._) (_“Hime I don’t think this is a good idea, I get sent on missions to dangerous for a child no matter how skilled-“ “well then they’ll have to tone down your missions won’t they?” that would be good, she was worried about him. A long silence “I don’t- Nawaki shouldn’t be put under-“ she raised an eyebrow towards him- _had she never look at him then?-_ and he sighed “I hope you’re right.” and he was gone. She hadn’t been right._) “Konoha has never held joy for me.” She said, voice rough with old words and deeds; he sighed softly “And you have no memories about the village that you care about? None at all? Not of Mito-sama, of Tobirama-sama, of your mother, of your _team?_ Well then I have to insist you never say that to Orochimaru, I fear it would break him to know you find so little worth in your shared past. Dan and Nawaki as well I suppose.” She turned away, stung to the quick, he wasn’t…. wrong.

“I… it will take me time to, to adjust but I can’t run forever I guess-“ “If you are going to stay make it about _staying_, Orochimaru deserves better” his voice was sharp and she winced “Tsunade, you need to make choices for your future not because of your past; don’t stay to stop running, stay because you want to stand for something.” Fuck “I bet everyone hate how good you are at being Hokage. But- I’ll stay, I guess I would like to get to know my nephews anyway.” His shoulders dropped, clear relief on his face for a moment before he rallied, “I suppose you’ll be wanting to know what happened then. It’s… not a fun story, and I won’t make Orochimaru tell you, so it would probably be best if you heard it from me.” She looked at him, at his dark fierce eyes and nodded, sharp and firm.


	2. and as we wait

“Sakumo?” the Hatake looked up at his mate’s warm voice, a pleased smile on his face even before he registered anything else (Dai laughed at him when he saw the might White Fang reduced to dopey smile every time he saw Orochimaru), his mate was standing draped against the door way, a surprisingly easy look on his face as he stepped more fully into the office and shut the door behind him. “What brings you to me my heart? I hadn’t thought I would get to see you until tonight.” Sakumo asked, Orochimaru smirked “Would you rather I leave? Are you to busy for me my own?” the Hatake twitched, a faint whine slipping out at the thought “I am _never_ too busy for you, anytime you wish to be near me it is a joy.” Orochimaru ducked his head, long hair not quite hiding his pleased expression; he cleared he throat and glided over to Sakumo’s desk slipping around it to lean on it next to the Hatake’s side, brushing an elegant hand over his mate’s strong jaw and neck with a soft expression. “I missed you, and I… admit to some… anxiety about the possibility of Tsunade’s return.” Sakumo sighed and nuzzled into Orochimaru’s hand, “I’m sorry” he murmured “It is necessary Sakumo, we both know that” “But I hate anything that gives you pain” the White Fang muttered a little sullenly.

Orochimaru laughed, warm and rich, and leaned down to press a lingering kiss to Sakumo’s mouth (he was never going to get tired of that, _ever_, the way his mate tasted…), the scent of his mate wafting around them (larkspur-lemongrass- sweet poison and a hint of pine) flavored by the hint of sex (Orochimaru never wanted to rinse all of Sakumo off of him, the Hatake _loved_ it, it made his blood _burn_) and touch of Kakashi’s pine-dirt-cub scent. Sakumo rumbled deep in his chest and tugged the slim shinobi closer, Orochimaru humming as he shifted to sit straddling the broader man a light rocking of narrow hips making the Hatake _whine_ lowly. He dragged himself away and asked on a rough breath, “Here? Are you sure?” Orochimaru smiled his slow small smile (the warm one, the one that made all the breath leave Sakumo’s lungs, the one he only smiled when Sakumo did something to make sure Orochimaru was given _choice_) and leaned in to murmur in the Hatake’s ear “Yes, like this, at the desk I used to hate standing in front of, in this place where there was no love for me once.” by the end of his sentence Orochimaru’s voice had destabilized a little, the tiniest of shakes flavoring his words.

Sakumo snarled- he hated thinking about that, about how Orochimaru must have felt every time he was called here and never listened to- and bit sharply at the chakra bit under the Saninn’s ear, delighting in the shiver that always got him “I love you” “And I you my own, but I would love it if you would fuck me over this desk.” Sakumo whimpered “_Why do you always say things like that?_ and please never stop-I love how much you _want_ me” he rasped. Orochimaru pulled back, caressing the Hokage’s cheek, “I _always_ want you” he murmured and well, Sakumo just _had _to kiss him after that, it would be criminal not to and he _was_ supposed to be upholding the law. One kiss turned long as Orochimaru opened his mouth under Sakumo’s and the Hatake licked inside, relishing the easy way his mate leaned into his arms (even when Orochimaru couldn’t stand the touch of anyone else he leaned into Sakumo) and urging the Saninn to his feet as they both stood. He pulled back from the kiss just long enough to get a look at heavy lidded golden eyes before Orochimaru spun around pressing his hands to the desk and arching his back distractingly; Sakumo’s mouth went dry, he loved having sex like this, loved being able to curl over his mate even as he moved deeply inside him, loved that Orochimaru trusted him with his back, loved how close they could be, loved how easy it was to close his teeth over the chakra bite on Orochimaru’s long neck.

Orochimaru let out a breathy whine as Sakumo set his teeth to the bite and rocked against the slimmer man, already hard and wanting “_Mate_” Orochimaru breathed and Sakumo swore against paper white skin dragging his teeth over the bite one last time before pulling back “Lube?” he asked roughly even as he yanked at the ties on his pants, huffing out a relived breath as the constriction eased. “Pocket, you should- _ah, again_\- kee-p some here- _ooh_\- mate” Sakumo laughed breathlessly, lube moved to the desk as he tore open the Hatake colored robes his mate wore- they opened along the back, always prepared for anything his Orochimaru- only to lose his breath entirely when he got a good look. “_Sweetgod,areyoutryingto**kill**memate?” _he whimpered, brain melting, brushing his fingers over his treat in a reverent touch, Orochimaru moaned even as he answered “_mmmm_, you left me still abed this morning and I didn’t- _Sakumo_\- wish to feel- _ha_\- you leave me entirely.” “So you- _god, beautiful one_\- you put this in _then_? You have walked around with it all day?” Sakumo though he was going to parish from the thought, that proud Orochimaru had spent his day like this, with Sakumo’s come still inside (_holy shit he loved this kink of his mate’s)_ just waiting until now…. _How was he supposed to function for the rest of the day?!_

Orochimaru’s assenting hum was lost as Sakumo gently tugged to toy out- god there was even any real need for preparation like this!- and slid in, the Saninn’s head dropping down as a sound almost like relief slipped out of him. Sakumo leaned forward pressing his chest to his mates back and licking at the bite mark, “_you are to good to me mate”_ he rumbled on a hard thrust that had Orochimaru’s back bowing against his chest, a sharp punched out sound slipping between red bitten lips. The Hatake didn’t give him a chance to respond setting to fucking his mate with a will and relishing the heavy weight as Orochimaru went all but limp and relaxed in his arms. It didn’t take long for both of them to slid over the edge and Sakumo collapsed back in his chair in the aftermath, Orochimaru held tight to his chest with arms like steel bars around his chest and hips holding him close enough the Hatake didn’t slip out, panting and pleased as he nuzzled the elegant neck and Orochimaru drew absent minded seals on his hand.

When they caught their breath Sakumo reluctantly shitted and Orochimaru’s finger tightened, “Put it back in, can’t make a mess now can we?” Sakumo whimpered and dropped his head forward, “_Youcan’tsaythingslikethat!_” he whined and Orochimaru laugh a rich lazy laugh, “You know you love it” he whispered and Sakumo huffed against his neck but didn’t argue (he also did replace the toy, and ignored his fast reheating blood, it wouldn’t be good to go again, Orochimaru was still somewhat unwell and even if that hadn’t been true he was looking red and sore and Sakumo would _never_ hurt his mate). With clean up accomplished (and the desk wiped off from Orochimaru’s own enjoyment) and clothes once more fastened Orochimaru sat on the desk as Sakumo played with his fingers, examining Orochimaru’s face “There’s something else bothering you” he said softly and the Saninn dropped his head (he always loved having Sakumo’s scent on him, but he was much more specific about _leaving_ it when he needed the reassurance of _feeling_ it even after he left since he couldn’t smell it) not quite hiding in his hair, but not looking Sakumo in the face either, “Dear heart, what is it?” Orochimaru sighed softly, “Dai will return any day now, I saw the hawk that he found her” Sakumo nodded; so far Orochimaru had chosen to ignore the Hokage’s search for his old teammate but Sakumo had never made it a secret that he was trying to bring her back (he had let Orochimaru pretend he didn’t know though, it was easier on the slimmer men to act like that).

Sakumo pressed a kiss to the palm of one long fingered hand, “Yes, he found her, if she comes back they should get here later today” Orochimaru’s face pinched, either at the timeframe or the implication that she might _choose_ not to return (or more likely both); the Saninn liked his lips and looked out the window “She will have to be told about what has happened while she was gone” Sakumo nodded watching the pain on the sharp face, “Do you want me to tell her?” he asked. Orochimaru laughed bitterly, “No. I don’t want anyone to tell her” “Mate..” he sagged and twisted his fingers together with the Hatake’s “I know. I- I know. And I _can’t_ do it, so I suppose it would be best it you did.” He hummed gently in assent watching Orochimaru face and the hurt in his beautiful golden eyes. “How are the children?” Sakumo asked and Orochimaru snorted, features lightening a little “Which ones? How did I end up with this many children running around my house Sakumo?” the outrage in Orochimaru’s voice was almost as funny as his referring to the Hatake compound as _his_ house was warming (every time Sakumo saw evidence that Orochimaru was beginning to feel more secure in their relationship it warmed his heart) “You do seem to attract them somehow, who is it today?”

Orochimaru shot a narrow-eyed look at Sakumo “Kakashi and Tenzo of course- though Hana took them out this morning, she is very useful- and Hana brought Anko over. Then of course Kyoshi came over- he wants to start a flower shop now that the lab is closed, asked permission to use the things that I taught him, things my mother taught me, but asked permission first because they could be considered clan secrets, never mind that my clan is basically dead now, Kakashi couldn’t be more Hatake if he tried- and he brought a tiny Yamanaka with him for a bit. And _of course_, Ren asked me to look after Guy for a bit with Dai gone. Sakumo, I _can’t _be a child watcher, Kakashi and Tenzo are one thing and Anko is wonderfully vindictive but I _don’t like most children!_” Sakumo would have laughed if Orochimaru didn’t look quite so stressed as it was be brushed his finger though the long mahogany hair and smiled gently “I know, I think they were trying to distract you. Ask Hana to find you some more academy age children to help out with the kids, I think she is sort of friends with a few and they can keep the kids out of the house when you need a break.” Orochimaru tipped his head, a thoughtful look on his face, “There is the Namikaze boy, he’s very smart I wouldn’t mind having him around” translation, I wan to teach him things when I get the chance like I am with Hana “and he’s an orphan so he doesn’t have family to get upset about it. Maybe the Uzumaki girl as well, their both a few years younger than Hana and smart.” Sakumo smiled again and nodded, “It’s not as if there isn’t plenty of space for the to wander around the compound and stay out from underfoot, I’m working on getting your lab set up in one of the buildings already anyway and that should give you some room.”

Orochimaru’s mouth fell open a little “You- you are?” he whispered and Sakumo nodded, “It was going to be a surprise, but I might as well tell you now, this way you can make sure it gets done right.” The Saninn’s eyes looked worrying wet and Sakumo leaned forward “Beautiful? Are you- should I not have-“ “_NO,_ I- I didn’t think you- that- you trust me in a lab? With a lab of my own?” Sakumo frowned at the strangled question, why would- oh. Right. He stood and drew Orochimaru into a gentle embrace, “Of_ course_ I trust you with a lab, and I trust you with Kakashi and Tenzo. Maybe some of the things you study aren’t things most people are ok with, but some one has to do the dark work, and I trust you to ask me if you’re not sure about the morality of something you are working on.” Orochimaru sagged into his arms, pressing his face into Sakumo’s chest, hands fisting in the back of his shirt “_thank you_”.

* * *

It was a while before Orochimaru sat back and Sakumo resumed his seat as the desk, talking quietly about what they both were working on and the plans for the lab as well as moving some of Orochimaru’s family gardens to the Hatake compound where he could reach them easier instead of where they were around the burnt down shell of his old home. Sakumo always appreciated a chance to get Orochimaru’s opinion on some matters of the village, his darker more suspicious mind tended to see the danger that Sakumo might miss or notice the possible convoluted plans that hid behind certain innocuous looking messages, the Saninn had a mind for patterns that let him notice discrepancies that others missed; it was just frustrating that Sakumo couldn’t get his help with dismantling Root, oh Orochimaru would give it if he asked but the Hatake hated to ask it of his mate when every time it was brought up Orochimaru seemed to go far away in his own head and flinched from everyone even more for days (and on the really bad days when he was faced with anything Danzo related or had nightmares or flashbacks he would look at Sakumo like he was just waiting for the Hatake to wake up. Every morning even now over a month later he looked a little shocked to wake up and find that Sakumo remembered the last night. Sakumo had started telling Orochimaru about what they had done the night before every time he woke up just so the Saninn would _know_ he hadn’t been drugged).

They were talking about the situation with the Uchiha- they _needed_ a way to get involved in village politics again- when Orochimaru stiffened and Sakumo caught the flare of chakra from the guards on the gate, Dai was back. “Orochimaru…” he murmured pressing another kiss to a long-fingered hand “I don’t…” Orochimaru whispered tailing off with an uncharacteristically lost look in his eyes. “Do you mind if she comes over tonight? I want her to check you over, you’re not healing the way you should beautiful one, you should be doing better by now.” Sakumo couldn’t keep the note of pleading out of his voice as he spoke and Orochimaru nodded, but he wouldn’t meet the Hatake’s eyes, “Orochimaru, mate-“ there was a knock at the door and Dai and Tsunade Senju walked in with a small girl on Dai’s shoulder. Orochimaru shivered, glanced at his old teammate and Sakumo saw that aching expression on his face for a moment (_imissyou-whydidyouleaveme-whatdidIdowrong-Ihateyou-you**left**me-whywasn’tIenough)_ before he stood and leaned down “She can come, better to get it over with quickly I suppose mate” Sakumo sighed but was gladder than he could explain that there was no anger at him in Orochimaru’s golden eyes. He was gone in a gust of wind and Sakumo turned to look at Tsunade.


	3. try to walk forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> didn't end up covering as much as I intended but the story wanted to end here for now

Tsunade’s fingers were white knuckled where they were clenched around the fragments of the arms of her chair, her having crushed them long before (“_it probably starts right after you left, rumors started getting around that it was Orochimaru’s fault you and Jiraiya left and it didn’t help that Sarutobi was getting visibly distant from my mate. After you left Danzo was put in charge of Orochimaru and he started making changes in the missions that he was sent on, Danzo sent him on increasing amounts of highest risk mission- not too surprising given his skill, but they were essentially back-to-back missions and many of them solo; it didn’t take long before a clear space was established between him and the village. About nine months after you left things… well. Basically Danzo drugged me and insured that I slept with Orochimaru- to make this **very** clear, the only part of this I am upset about is that I don’t remember it and that it hurt him- without Orochimaru knowing that I was drugged, which Danzo revealed to him the next morning and convinced him that I would never have slept with him if I had been in my right mind”_), the idea of this… that Orochimaru had been raped in a sense- for all that Tsunade knew Oro had been infatuated with Sakumo for a _long_ time- and then had Danzo gaslighted him, to know what _abuse_ Oro had suffered…. She was so angry she couldn’t even speak.

“Tsunade?” she started a little, now that she had heard the whole story (_“I wasn’t involved, but the pregnancy was…. Hard, it got **bad** from what I know, I’ll have Kyoshi talk to you, it almost killed him (it did kill him, his heart stopped)” Sakumo wasn’t looking at her and the look on his face…. Tsunade shivered “Kakashi was born at seven months and taken from Orochimaru after five months, he was forbidden to see his son and blackmailed into doing whatever Danzo wanted with a threat to Kakashi’s life and… and a threat to see that I was told about how ‘horrible and twisted and dangerous’ he was and would hate him for it”_), had heard about what Oro had suffered from Danzo and the village as a whole (it was horrifying to hear the way the village treated Oro, reserved he may have been but those things _hurt_, she had seen him fight it when they were a team and to know it had gotten so much **_worse_**…), she couldn’t understand how he was still even in Konoha (and that was the problem wasn't it). She couldn’t breath through the weight on her chest, the agony that was knowing how badly she had failed her… teammate? (brother?) friend? God, whatever label he fit he was dear to her and she had failed him _so very badly_. “_Tsunade_, you need to get your head together. You’re staying with us tonight and I can promise you that Orochimaru doesn’t want you to make a fuss, he hates to talk about it, especially with people he doesn’t trust and frankly, you've dented his trust so badly I don’t know if it can be repaired.”

Tsunade recoiled, the words hitting her in the gut with staggering force; guilt felt like a living thing twisting around the shards of her broken heart (_Dan_ would have known how to help- he had liked Oro, Nawaki would have made him smile- he had so often in the past, if they were here… but they weren’t, all that was left was _her_ and her failures); she tipped her head back, breathing deeply, thinking about the little boy she had met, the one with the serious strange eyes and a fragile heart but with a strong will, guilt was going to be a constant companion now she knew but she couldn’t let it drag her down like grief once had (couldn’t let it make her _useless_), this time she would be better.

She nodded sharply and looked at Sakumo, “Alright, what do we need to do? I need to talk to Kyoshi, so I can do that while you finish here and then we can go to see Oro, he will probably be more comfortable if you are there I’m assuming? I’ll do a check up on him and then tomorrow we can do something about this reputation thing, mostly I would prefer to be with him when I can if he is comfortable.” Sakumo blinked at her and then smiled a little, “Once you make up your mind you don’t waste time do you?” he asked rhetorically “Alright I’ll send someone for Kyoshi, you can talk in Danzo’s old office.” She grinned toothily at him and nodded sharply, it was time to get to work.

* * *

Her conviction was both shaken and firmed by the conversation with the tired looking Yamanaka, what Oro had gone through without her… _he had **asked** for **her** and she hadn’t been there. _She_ hadn’t been there _when her **_brother_** needed her more than he ever had before and that failure on her part… another debt to pay, her ledger was getting long indeed. Sakumo blinked at her when he stepped out of the tower where she was leaning against the wall (_get the word out that she was back and going with Sakumo_) “Ready?” she asked gruffly “I want to see Oro, it’s been too long.” He raised an eyebrow at her but lead her in a calm walk through the village to the Hatake compound; the compound was an odd combination of traditional and the heavy wood beam building of snow country that somehow managed to work together, and while it was no sprawling Hyuuga set up it was large enough to hold several families and it must have seemed echoingly empty with just Sakumo and Kakashi, now however… a willowy young girl of maybe seventeen with Hyuuga hair spilled out the main house chasing a giggling boy in what seemed to be a bright green onesie while she herself was chased by a focused looking little girl of maybe four with dark purple hair holding a senbon in a tiny fist; the girl wavered on the edge of the porch and looked like she might fall for a moment until in a swirl of dark hair and white-gray robes Orochimaru swept her up into his arms, holding her on his hip “Anko” he said sternly and the girl deflated kicking her feet a little and mumbled what must have been an apology because Oro nodded and turned out to where the green boy and the teen were chasing each other in the tall grass waving like a waist high sea around stone paths and large boulders, “Hana, bring Guy in when you wear him out.” swearing reached them faintly and something that might have been a smile flitted across Oro’s face (thin- gaunt really, with tightness from pain around the eyes, worn looking, like he had looked on the worst days of the front lines and so, so, tired) “language Hana.”

Sakumo laughed and Oro turned to look at them, shifting Anko to hold out a hand for the Hatake, his face easing and relaxing into something gentle; Sakumo darted forward, lacing their fingers together and leaning up to meet the snake Saninn in a gentle, warm kiss (there was so much affection between them, an ease Tsunade had never thought to see in the way Oro leaned into Sakumo’s hand where it cupped his face); they pulled back after a moment, looking into each-others eyes for a long moment before Oro pulled back and looked at her, and she saw it, the flash of old heartache and loneliness (_whydidyouleaveme-whatdidIdo-youleftme_) write large before it slid away under a closed off expression. “Tsunade, it’s been a while” his voice was totally even but she winced anyway, “Yeah, I-“ she fumbled, he shook his head “No matter, come inside, though I warn you there are rather a lot of children running around.” Anko pouted as he turned to the door “Not a kid” she muttered sullenly and Oro responded a little condescendingly “Of course not. That’s why your feet don’t reach the floor in a chair” as he stepped through the door Sakumo at his heels. Tsunade took a deep fortifying breath, this… this was not going to be easy but she _could do it_, she could and she would.

The house was shockingly full with children scattered through about the room; Sakumo was laughing as he looked around “You sent Hana for some helpers then?” he asked, Orochimaru set him a sharp look, “Of course I did. There are too many for me, especially since Anko is going to be living with us now “ Sakumo spluttered and Oro ignored him “Minato will be staying here as well, I told him he can sleep wherever he wants- main house or in the sister house- I refuse to have to not have help here every day with everything.” The blond child tucked away on the large leather couch blushed a little, he couldn’t be more than thirteen and was strangely thin; Sakumo blinked at Oro, raising and eyebrow, Oro pursed his lips and the Hatake nodded- apparently that meant something to him- and turned to the boy “Welcome to the pack Minato, your help with be much appreciated” he said warmly and ruffled the bright blond hair (Minato leaned into the touch, prolonging it as best he could before puling away. Tsunade didn’t like the picture she was starting to get, honestly Anko was acting like that a bit as well, like neglected children) “And where is Kakashi mate?” Sakumo asked and Oro sighed as he set Anko down (she immediately crawled up next to Minato) “Out with Kushina, they’re in the compound so I didn’t ask where exactly they were headed, thank gods she can keep up with him. Oh, I offered her a place here as well, no point in letting the space go to waste.” He said over his shoulder ask he walked in the kitchen, “Tsunade, come help with dinner? Shizune is asleep in the other room.”

“You cook now?” she asked dryly as she followed him, “You would be surprised what I do now” he said coolly and she winced “but yes, though Hana helped as did Minato. How I ended up with so many children running around…” he trailed off into a mutter, leaning over a pot of some kind of meat stew, waving for her to check the accompanying rice; “You were always good with children” she said somewhat hesitantly, Oro laughed sharply “Sen- Sarutobi does not agree with you” he said in a brittle voice, she grimaced, honestly she was more than a little appalled by the actions of their old teacher; this was not what she would have ever thought he was capable of - though perhaps it shouldn't have been surprising, after all he had never made much of an effort to hide his favoritism, always letting existing emotional attachments stop him from creating more and clinging to the past and the relationships from old days (the irony of the fact that Orochimaru was so like Tobirama- who Sensei had so idolized- was not lost on Tsunade).

She licked her lips and said softly “I’m sorry Oro-“ “I need to go get Tenzo, watch the food” he said sharply and spun away, leaving the room in a whirl of hair and cloth before she had a chance to say anything, he wasn’t going to make it easy for her to apologize was he? Damn, Sakumo _had_ warned her (_“the Nara were the only people that let him spend anytime with Kakashi, he taught his son when he could but he wouldn’t even let Kakashi call him Sensei because it might put him in danger”_) and she… well, she needed to rely on his read on his mate over anything else now apparently.

She was stirring the rice when Orochimaru cam back in, a small baby tucked into his arms and a faintly concerned look on his face and she forced herself not to stare (Oro with a _baby_, she was _so happy!_) and said “So that’s the little on then? How is he doing? Sakumo said Danzo was using him for an experiment.” Oro’s mouth pinched and something self-loathing flashed over his face and when he responded his voice was heavy with bitterness “Don’t sugarcoat is Tsunade, _I _used him in an experiment, it was my formula.” (_“Danzo told him everything that went bad was because of him; that you left because he failed you, that Jiraiya left because he wasn’t good enough, that he- well- raped me and I would hate him if I knew, that he would hurt Kakashi because he was **wrong **and **twisted** somehow, that his willingness to do what must be done even when it was dirty made him a monster. When you have someone say that enough, when all the murmuring backs that up, when even other shinobi who should understand the darkness begin to avoid you, what do you think you start to believe? It was **years** like that for him"_) Tsunade took a deep breath, “That’s not true. I trust Sakumo and he told me that while it was your formula, you never intended to give it to him if you could avoid it and you tried to make it as safe as you could; Oro, what you do under threat of blackmail with no one at your back and people to protect is not something I will censure you for.” He stared at her, looking at her head on for the first time, shock in his bright golden eyes and something hurt and broken tucked away.

(_Dan ran his fingers through her hair, “I’m not going to ask if you’re ok, I know you’re not” “She was my last family” Tsunade sobbed “the last one I could lean on” Dan kissed her forehead “I know Tsu-hime, but Mito-sama lived a very long time, she stayed for the village and the duty she was given, and for all that she never let her heart leave she was tired.” “I know,” Tsunade whispered “I know, after granduncle died she… she was always **here**, she didn’t drift away, but coming so soon after mother and father’s deaths it broke her heart”_) Tsunade held his eyes, _forced_ herself to hold his eyes and not to turn away from what he needed- not to turn away from him- willing him to see that she was going to stand this time and not run (going to try to be like her grandmother, going to be what she should have been along, strong when all other things faltered and fell until another could take up her burden and carry it forward), “I’ll finish dinner, you hold him.”


End file.
